Get Ready for the Goofy Bar: Jobs Said to be Influencing Disney Store Design

The New York Times reports Apple's (and Disney's) Steve Jobs and the Apple retail team are helping revamp the Disney stores. We've received the first transcript of a customer interaction in the new stores:

"Welcome to the Disney Store, may I help you?"

"Yes, my Buzz Lightyear wings are locked up."

"Have you tried a hard reset?" Hold down his voice command button and press in on his right boot for ten seconds."

"That didn't do anything."

"Ok, let's get you signed in to the Goofy Bar... Looks like we have a slot tomorrow at 11AM."

"Tomorrow?"

"Yes. Did you get DisneyCare on this item?"

"No."

"Well, you've had it 13 months, which means it's out of warranty. A new one is $24.99. The repair on this one is a flat fee of $22.99."

"What? That's ridiculous! This is a racket!"

"Actually, it's an iRacket. Have a magical day!"

Breaking News: Microsoft Doesn't Get It

As we mentioned last night on TDL Live, it's been reported that Microsoft has been contacting Apple retail employees, particularly managers to offer positions within Microsoft's own new retail stores.

It's one thing to ape the design of the store, to take something like the genius bar, and rename it the "guru bar." Heck, it's a lot like the "recycling bin" instead of the trash can. It's quite another thing if Microsoft seriously believes they can hire anyone of any merit away from Apple retail and into their stores.

(First a reminder/disclaimer that everyone here at TDL has worked for Apple in some retail capacity at some point.) People working at the Apple store generally fall into four categories: Apple evangelists, summer job seekers, teachers, and creative pros between gigs. Which one of these groups would be willing to go turncoat on Apple, let alone uproot their lives to work at a Microsoft retail store? Sure, getting someone higher up the food chain, like Ron Johnson (head of Apple retail) would be a coup, but that's not going to happen. The best you could hope for are some regional managers who don't feel comfortable at Apple because they come from other retail store background, or a few people who have had a bad experience working at Apple, and want to get some measure of revenge.

Again, which one of these two groups makes for a great staff? If you want retail managers who don't fit the Apple mold, just cut out the middleman, and look to other retailers. If you're seeking out those looking for revenge, do you really think it'll be long before they turn on Microsoft too?

Redmond has to learn that people are not programs or features, or icons. They are living, breathing things with emotions and common sense.

And really, that's all you need to see this is a really stupid idea.

Microsoft Stores Are Great For Everyone... Except Microsoft

Whether Microsoft follows through with plans to ape Apple's Retail effort to the extent of having a "guru bar" or "answer bar," one thing is certain: Everyone except Microsoft will win. How? Take a look:

Apple:

Apple stores are no longer a mall novelty. Mac and PC users alike, in millions, have stepped in an Apple store. It will be painfully apparent how much Microsoft has "borrowed" from Apple.

PC Manufacturers:

While Apple owners may focus on Microsoft's copycat strategy, for the Dells and HPs of the world, Microsoft stores offer a chance to have their products showcased in what should be a far better environment than Best Buy/Walmart, etc.

Consumers:

Has Microsoft's Movie Maker caught up to the ease of use of iMovie? Truthfully, I don't know. But when the day comes that anyone can easily compare applications, at the local mall and decide for themselves which is best, everyone wins. Both Apple and Microsoft will be challenged to continue innovating.

So we say bring it on Microsoft, the sooner, the better. A lot of people are counting on you.

An Easy Litmus Test For App Store Approval

image from Geekanoids.co.ukApple found itself in an awkward position last week, as it removed a baby shaking app from the app store. Truth be told, there are other apps that mimic or derive fun from illegal or immoral acts on the store . And as you may have noticed, the usefulness of many of the apps is in doubt as well.

I have a humble solution to these problems, but don't expect it to be implemented anytime soon. There's a simple way to clear up the murky greys of the app store: Apple should simply ask themselves, if this app was made for the Mac, would we sell it in the retail store?

Overnight, the number of apps would significantly decrease (hence why it won't happen) but the faith in the apps as being worthwhile would skyrocket. I believe we could easily get down to say, 2,000 apps without any real loss.

Perhaps Apple could consider this test as the bar for the occasionally rumored premium apps store/section.

Ten Reasons Microsoft Retail Will Fail

We put our heads together to bring you this list. As former Apple Retail employees, I'd like to think we have some perspective on what works and what doesn't with Apple's retail initiative, and why Microsoft can't hope to do as well. Let's Dive In...

#10. No fanatical fanbase. Yes, there are people who love Microsoft products. But we're talking about a different kind of fanaticism here. We're talking about the type of thing that spawned two Apple-fan movies this year alone. We're talking about people camping out for days before a store opens. Sorry Microsoft, your fans just aren't that wild for your products. Perhaps a possible exception for the xBox. There's a difference between loyalty, and being locked into a system.

#9. No Genius Bar Equivalent. Barring a major shift in how Microsoft handles customer support, there's no way they can create an equal to the genius bar. There are far too many different systems with far too many configurations. People can call Microsoft from the comfort of their home and be told they need to call Dell/Acer/Lenovo for their problem.

#8 No Product To Sell. Microsoft, you don't make computers. It sounds like you won't be making phones either. So that leaves you with Windows, Zunes, optical mice, and xBox consoles. An xBox is easy enough to find. I think everyone who wants a Zune has found one. I don't think people will be lining up to buy mice, and last time I checked, finding a copy of Windows to buy wasn't very difficult.

#7 Alienate Partners. Apple has managed to keep and even grow relationships with Best Buy, Wal Mart, etc. while increasing their own retail presence. Microsoft might be able to keep those same channels happy, but what about hardware makers? Will Dell be thrilled to see Lenovo laptops in the Microsoft store? Would HP be welcome? How do you appease the people who actually make the hardware your OS runs on, if presumably some computers will be present in the store?

#6 Products Aren't Sexy. In the early days, the Apple Stores brought people in simply by the stunning design not only of the stores, but the products as well. These were exciting and new shiny objects that many had never touched before.

#5 What Comes After Windows 7? You could almost sell me on the idea of Microsoft showrooms for Windows 7, and Windows 7 alone. Microsoft seems pleased with the results of their "Mojave Experiment," so I can imagine them wanting to get more people to see/play with their new OS. If you build a store around that though, what do you do after the OS is released and everyone who wants has had a chance to try it?

#4 Dress for Success? Close your eyes. (well finish reading this first...) You've just walked into your local Microsoft store. How are salespeople dressed? Do they wear khakis and polo shirts, leaving you to think you've accidentally stepped into a Circuit City (how's CC doing, by the way?) Do they wear t-shirts and jeans in an attempt to look just like the Apple employees? Do they wear some sort of cheeky Geek Squad-esque costume/uniform?

#3 The Economy. There are two types of computers selling right now: Macs and netbooks. Apparently in bad economic times, some people look for the best value/quality for their money. Those people are buying Macs. Others look for the bare minimum to get by. Those people are buying netbooks. Where does that leave Microsoft? No Mac ships with the Windows OS. Many netbooks use a flavor of linux, and those that do use windows, use XP, or seem to almost begrudgingly have Vista installed. So Microsoft, are you going to try to convince the value shoppers that they need a bigger, more expensive system, or will you try to talk Apple shoppers down to a cheaper computer, a computer which you most likely won't even have in store? Or maybe, just maybe there will be a Mac in there, running Windows 7 through Boot Camp... Hmm... we might have to re-think this whole thing...

#2 Bill Gates is Gone. If Gates had launched this initiative while he was still at Microsoft, maybe, just maybe it would fly. He would've brought a certain geek cred, and he always had a vision of where computing was headed. Sometimes right, sometimes wrong, you always knew he had a vision. I don't know what Microsoft's vision is these days. Apparently it's to look at what Apple's done in retail, and copy it. Which brings us to...

#1 Apple Already Did It. You cannot beat Apple for store design. You cannot beat Apple for buzz in a mall environment. (tangent: one of the secret strengths of Apple is the relationship building it does with other mall tenants. The traffic the stores generate benefits everyone.) Apple has created a formula that while imperfect, cannot be perfected by Microsoft. You don't think the same way. Any company selling an OS in no fewer than five versions cannot be expected to simplify or improve the retail computer shopping experience.